Mommyhood

I finally had a moment to process the last three months and here are my honest thoughts about them. When Kai was born I didn’t feel a deep connection to him for the first three weeks. I felt bad, but I just didn’t. I missed having the ability to sleep when I wanted, eat anytime I needed, be alone with Kent, have time to myself (even just to shower), go anywhere, and do anything I wanted. I felt that Kai was just draining me. I had no appetite and couldn’t sleep for a good two weeks. Breastfeeding was a constant challenge and Kai kept developing infections along with all three of us getting colds. It was exhausting to say the least…especially after an extremely three hard days of labor. I had thoughts like, “why is this so hard for me?” “It seems like other moms don’t have these issues.” “Will I ever sleep or feel normal again?” It was rough. Mommyhood isn’t glamorous, but it is worth it. No one makes my heart melt quite like Kai can when he smiles at me (I spend most of my day trying to see that smile). I hang on every coo he makes. I love how his whole little hand can wrap around my one finger and how his big beady eyes look up at me while he’s nursing. Seeing Kent interact with Kai warms my heart. Some nights I still wake up four or more times to feed him. He’s not a great napper. He has a lot of grumpy days. Most of the time we can’t go out with friends in the evening, because Kai screams furiously in the car. Things can get lonely around here. With all of that in mind I still wouldn’t change where I’m at. I keep telling myself that I’ll never get to relive these baby stages, but I will one day have time to myself and to just be with my husband again. We knew we’d have a strong little man…the Lord told us so. Kai’s name means overcomer and victory. We’ve certainly overcome many challenges in the three little months Kai has been breathing air. God lavishes His grace abundantly on us to be able to raise Kai. I’d be a mess without being able to rely on Jesus who overcame it all. He understands. He gave it all for me and intern I will give all for my son. My calling right now is to raise up my baby to know his Father deeper than I ever did at his age. We’ve created an eternal being…the most precious kind of gift God will ever give us. I’m praying to rest and enjoy this season trough all of its depths and heights.

Kai MIII-7Kai MIII-5Kai MIII-6Kai MIII-2

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